The Family Curse
And that my friends became part of the routine. I became proficient at rolling and lighting. I got used to the smoke taste and didn’t mind it. However, I never inhaled much, and actually, I was getting used to the smoke. The highway noise was annoying with the windows down. So, I told Dean that he could keep the windows up when he smoked. Dean’s laid-back demeanor was kind of growing on me as I became more mellow myself. I would lay my head back and seemed to enjoy the music more and more as he finished smoking. And I was learning to enjoy Dean’s company more and more. I felt good and everything seemed to be more pleasant. Don Mclean’s “American Pie” came on the radio. Oh! I love that song. I don’t understand it, but I still love it for some reason. I wondered if Dean understood the song. My inner conflict began. Don’t ask! Don’t do it. You’ll regret it. But why fight it? I’m going to lose this self-conflict anyway. “Dean, do you understand what this song is all about?”
“Yep.”
I rolled my eyes. “Okay then, the song says that the music has died. But we still have music, right?”
“Yep”
“So, the music didn’t die. That’s a contradiction in the song, right?”
He replied simply, as if it was obvious, “The music un-died.”
My mind screamed “I warned you! I told you, don’t ask! Lay your head back and go to sleep for a while.”
I woke as Dean was pulling into a rest stop. I really needed that nap. We used the restrooms, hit the snack machines, and walked around the building a few times to stretch our legs. I was in no hurry to get back into the cab. I not only needed to stretch my legs but also needed to clear my mind. Dean gives me a headache. I was beginning to think that his TBI might be contagious. I sat down at a picnic table and let Dean pace around the grounds for a few more minutes.
“Ready to go?” Dean said.
“Yep,” I answered.
And back on the road we went for the thousandth time.
“Dean, do you remember telling me that you felt like brothers with your veteran buddies.”
“Yep,”
“I kinda know what you mean, because I have a friend who I feel like we’re sisters.”
“Cool.”
“We grew up together. Can I tell you about her?”
“Yep.”
“Jean is my best friend. That is an understatement. Jean is my hero! Or maybe the correct word is heroine, whatever… More importantly, Jean is my sister. Not biologically but in every other sense of the word. I love her dearly. It feels like I’ve said that before. Have I already told you the story?”
“Nope.”
“We grew up together on Mayer Lane. Nice place. Even though Jean was sick a lot of the time, we had so much fun together when we were kids. Well, not really sick but stricken might be a better word. She had polio. Dean, did you ever have polio?”
“Nope.”
“Ok, I just wondered because you have a limp when you walk, kind of like Jean does. Her polio story is a long one, so let me just say that even though Jean endured a lot of long-term suffering growing up, she never let it get her down. She was an inspiration, a real hero, not like a war hero, but an everyday hero. Jean overcame childhood polio and went on to have a normal life throughout high school and beyond. Was happily married, and had three great daughters. Jean had almost a perfectly happy life going for her. As time went on, not only her, but her whole family were facing so much adversity and suffering. Her parents went through a terrible divorce. And then there were so many passings in her family. Heart disease was a family curse. Her mother died first and then her dad died just five months later, they were only 66 and 67 years old. Then her younger brother Lee died of an enlarged heart when he was only in his mid-40s. Not to mention that her grandparents also died from heart problems way back when. And then the terribly scary day came when Jean had her heart attack. That may have been the worst day of my life. But Jean is a survivor. Three stents later, and after a long recovery, Jean was back to her pleasant self, enjoying life again. Until she had to have back surgery. And then once again, she overcame adversity. What a trooper! Just an amazingly strong woman. I love her. But Dean, here is the part that I really wanted to tell you about. Just before we left home to go on this vacation, Jean told me she had cancer. I wanted to cancel our trip and maybe I should have. I’m feeling guilty now. Jean is going through who knows what and how many treatments. I’m so scared Dean. Why does one person have to suffer so many ailments? Why? It’s just not fair. Why?”
Dean listened intently and then replied “God’s will.”
“But why Dean? That kind of “will” seems cruel to me.”
“Beatrice, God has a plan for Jean as he does for all of us.”
“But Dean, I am afraid she may die.”
“Beatrice, You, me, Jean, and everyone else are living on a timer. None of us know when it will ding and our time or anyone else’s time is up.” I was feeling so sad and did not really understand Dean as usual. He then said “Beatrice, I want to meet your sister Jean” It was late in the evening when we pulled into a rest stop. We sat there for a few minutes until the clock read 7:11. Dean folded his hands, bowed his head, closed his eyes and I expected to hear his normal silence when he said out loud “God bless Jean.”
RUCKSACK GRUNT - A Vietnam Veteran's Memoir 